Cynical Santa
by orphan mia
Summary: It was Christmas Eve and all Hiei had to do was give Botan a scarf that she left behind. One thing led to another, and it turns out that Santa is real, and Hiei is taking over his job. HB holiday season! Ch.5 UP!
1. Twas the Night Before Christmas

Cynical Santa : Twas the Night Before Christmas

A/N: Okay, if you haven't seen "The Santa Claus" by Tim Allen, you're beyond help. Haha, well, um, it's a good movie, and I thought that since the holidays are coming, I figured that my readers needed something to get them in the spirit. I want you to picture this, just picture this, and then read : Hiei in Santa's clothes. Good. Now read and review!

I

It was Christmas Eve, and the Rekai Tentei was doing what normal people normally do on that particular day. They partied into the night like animals. Yusuke drank beer, occasionally giving Kuwabara a hard slug on the shoulder. Keiko was sipping champagne with Botan, Yukina, and Shizuru. Kurama and Hiei were leaning against the wall, watching the insanity of Yusuke and Kuwabara under the influence. Hiei couldn't help smirking and **even **chuckling at some of their antics.

Even Genkai came in to join the fun.

They drank. They sang. And, when the clock struck eleven, they all gathered under a large tree decorated in colorful spheres and strands of lights.

Everyone got presents from... everyone. Botan got a package of makeup from Shizuru, and some nail polish from Keiko. Yukina gave her a beautiful necklace that was finest silver that the ferry girl had ever touched that had a snowflake dangling on the chain. Kurama gave her a bracelet that was constructed of tiny silver roses. Kuwabara gave her a head band of love, making the poor ferry girl twitch and laugh nervously. Yusuke gave her a black thong as a joke, and he was pummeled by Keiko, and to Botan's surprise, Hiei as well.

"You baka! Don't disrespect the onna!"

The entire room was silent as Hiei held the ex-detective by the collar, but then let him fall to the ground, stalking back to his spot next to Kurama, his shoulders tensed. To ease the confusion, Botan did Hiei a favor to get the attention off of him and onto her and Keiko.

"Thanks Yusuke, but I think Keiko would appreciate these more than me."

Closing one pink eye and biting her lip, Botan used the lingerie like they were a slingshot and shot them over to Keiko, who turned bright red when they landed on her lap. Then, well, there was a small present, tucked away and that was barely noticeable. It was black and sleek, and that was when Botan realized that it wasn't even wrapped. It was a wooden box.

The ferry girl looked around, to make sure that everyone was preoccupied with their own gifts. _Would Hiei actually give me a present? _She opened the box slowly, a bit cautious about what could be inside. That was when she saw a rock. It was a rock, to put it simply. But, Botan knew just what it was, and it made her grin happily. It was turquoise, the gemstone that was light blue. It was very similar to her and Yukina's hair.

Botan looked up, her cheeks slightly flushed and her head a bit light from the champagne. Her pink eyes went to Hiei, who was sitting directly across from her. His eyes locked with hers, and his glare intensified, daring her to mention it. She bit her lip, but then smiled at him kindly, tucking the stone away into the box. She looked around, breaking the eye contact. She didn't see the Koorime turn a bit pink when she smiled at him, or when she accepted his gift without words.

II

Hiei was frustrated and angry. This was all Kurama's fault. **_He _**was the one who talked him into coming by threatening to reveal his identity to his sister. Not only that, but he also forced him to buy presents. Presents! Even... the baka ferry onna.

_She probably won't even think it was from me! _That was when she pulled out a pair of underwear from Yusuke. Hiei admitted that he over reacted. But still, disrespecting any woman was just disgusting.

There was a silence after he had yelled at Yusuke. The fire demon closed his eyes, hissing to himself. _Nice one Hiei. _That was when something flew past him and hit Yusuke's onna. To his surprise, it was the underwear.

He was actually glad that the baka onna did that. Everyone was laughing at the two of them that they forgot all about the little outburst beforehand. That was when she opened it. His gift.

Her eyes widened as she took out the stone, running her slender fingers over the smooth surface. He saw everything. Noticed everything. The way her eyes sparkled and her mouth opened slightly in awe. That was when she looked at him. Hiei glared at her. She looked a bit nervous at first, but then she smiled at him.

This made Hiei even more angry. Why did she have to be so... nice all the time? Hiei looked around, gazing at everyone else, not really interested. That was when he heard a voice.

**I think she liked your gift.**

Hiei bristled, fighting the urge to growl at the fox that sat beside him.

**It was nothing fox.**

The kitsune chuckled.

**I don't know, she looked pretty happy to me.**

**Shut up. She is not even close to be considered my equal fox. **Hiei crossed his arms. **It was a waste getting her a gift.**

Kurama never said anything, but Hiei felt him smirking. _Ugh... damn fox. _

The party continued, and there was some dancing, but it was mostly just the bunch of them jumping around like idiots. It was around midnight when Botan waved, crying with happiness (mostly due to the champagne), a goodbye. She giggled as she stepped out into the snow, summoning her oar and flew to her house.

Hiei watched her leave, wondering if she would be able to fly that thing in her current state. It was about ten minutes later that Kurama let out a surprised exhale.

"Oh my." His friends looked at him. The fox picked up a thin white scarf. He rubbed the material between his thumb and forefinger. "Botan has forgotten her scarf." A disappointed sigh of pity was let out. Kurama turned to Hiei, whose ruby red eyes instantly hardened. "Why don't you take it to her?"

Hiei gritted his teeth.

"Fox–"

Kurama interrupted him, and Hiei knew that the fox was enjoying this.

"It would be easiest for you Hiei. Besides, it's less time that you would have to spend here."

That got the Koorime's attention. Hiei swiped the garment out of Kurama's hands and was out of the door before anyone in the room could blink.

III

Botan flew against the snow, struggling to hold the bag that contained all of her gifts. She headed north, where her house was. She smiled. Koenma had given her the house for her good work and how she was the top ferry girl. It was small, but it was good for her.

She finally reached it, and she jumped off her oar, letting it disappear into the air. Stumbling into her abode, she shivered and struggled to breathe. _I-I'm so cold! _

She let down her hair and was almost immediately tearing at her stockings. Her hair was wet as she lumbered into her room. Her shoulders were slack and she slowly took off her dark blue dress. Her arms ached as they moved it up and over her head. She pulled on a white nightgown and she pulled her sheets off and crawled under them.

Her eyes had barely closed when she heard something.

"Onna. Wake up."

The ferry girl shrieked and pulled the blankets up and around her. Her pink eyes shot open and she was astonished to see Hiei in her room. She lowered down her blankets a bit, relaxing a bit knowing that it was Hiei and not someone else.

"Hiei! What are you doing here?"

The Koorime rolled his eyes and reached into a pocket that was on the inside of his cloak, pulling out a long white cloth. Botan's eyes widened. _My scarf... _

"Baka onna. Don't expect people to pick up after you, baka."

Hiei was about to continue to scold her when a loud clatter was heard on the roof. The two companions froze. Botan looked up at the ceiling and swallowed.

"Hiei, what was–"

Hiei put his hand over her mouth.

"Quiet, onna." Botan shivered when she heard the whisper of metal and her pink eyes darted to Hiei's katana, which was out. Her breath caught in her throat. Hiei looked into her eyes, his hand still on her lips. "Stay here."

He flitted out of sight, leaving the ferry girl alone and scared.

IV

Hiei gritted his teeth as he ran through the snow, the wind stinging his face. He saw the house and picked lock quickly, letting himself in. He didn't care about being polite, he was here only because of the baka ferry onna's stupidity.

The Koorime looked through the house, slightly flustered when he saw her stockings laying on the floor, quickly followed by her dress. Hiei shook himself and found the onna in bed.

He told her to wake up, and he winced, his sensitive ears breaking as she screamed. They had their little "conversation", but that was when they both heard a loud thud on the roof of the house. The onna had tried to talk, but Hiei stopped her, his fingers on her lips.

Unsheathing his katana, Hiei told the onna to stay where she was. He didn't want her hurting herself or doing something stupid. He vanished to the outside and jumped up to the roof. The Koorime's red eyes widened. _Who the hell is that?_

An old man was on the roof, dressed in red and white. Hiei heard a bleat of an animal, and he saw nine deer-like creatures. Hiei didn't like the feeling he was getting from the organisms and the man. His energy was not spirit or demon. It was... almost... like a dream...

"Old man, what are you doing?"

The man startled badly, turning quickly. Hiei couldn't move as he saw the man's blue eyes widen in surprise. The fire demon couldn't move as he watched him fall, sliding off the roof and hitting the ground, snow flying up into the air.

A moment passed. And then another. Hiei heard the front door open and a gasp enter the cold air. Hiei walked to the edge of the roof and saw tears running down Botan's face.

"Oh, Enma..."

Hiei hopped down and was beside the onna, who was shaking in the cold. She was looking at the man, his face covered by snow. She turned to Hiei, punching him.

Hiei was surprised, to say the least, when her first punched his shoulder, but he caught her wrists on her second try, becoming irritated.

"Onna! Calm yourself!"

She slumped against him, crying like a little girl.

"You killed Santa!"

Hiei frowned.

"Who?"

That was when Botan blinked and joined Hiei in his confused look.

"Wait... Santa is... real?"

Hiei was afraid that she was going to faint. She stepped shakily to the man, and touched the suit gently, like it was going to fall apart in his hands. Hiei peered over the man's body. He wasn't a muscled man, and he didn't seem to have any weapons, unless the animals on Botan's roof were carnivores.

"What's the problem? He's not dangerous."

The ferry onna turned to look at him, her eyes still shimmering with tears.

"His name is Santa Claus."

V

So many thoughts were running through Botan's mind as she looked at the form of a man in red and white. _Santa is... Santa is... real? _She took a shaking breath. _How could he have gotten passed Rekai detection? _

Her questions were interrupted when she heard the shift of the snow. Botan picked up her head to see Hiei Jaganshi poking the old man, moving his robe aside. He had out his sword and was using it to delicately move aside a flap of a pocket.

"Hiei!" The Koorime flinched and glared at her. "What are you doing?"

The demon narrowed his eyes, and it made Botan shiver with fear.

"I **was **looking for any clue as to who this joker really is."

Botan put her hand on her hips.

"He's **Santa Claus**!"

The Koorime rolled his eyes and returned to his investigation. Botan watched him shuffle around a bit, looking hard. That was when they both saw a card flutter down. Hiei narrowed his eyes as he put his sword back at his side as he took the card into his calloused hand. The ferry girl watched intensely.

"Hn."

Botan frowned as her shoulders slumped forward, letting out a frustrated breath.

"Baka! What does it SAY?"

The Koorime gave her a deadly glare, wanting to kill her for calling him a baka. Then he brought the card so that it was in line with his eyes.

"It says, 'Santa Claus: North Pole'."

The demon rolled his eyes, and Botan grabbed the card, flipping it over.

"Look! The back." She bit her lip. "'Put on the suit, the reindeer will know what to do.'" There was a long pause. The ferry girl shivered and pulled her nightgown up so that her chest was more covered. She hit the Koorime on the back. "Okay Hiei, put on the suit!"

The way Hiei Jaganshi hissed with rage was almost funny.

"NO! Baka onna... watch your tongue!"

Botan rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue at him.

"Come on! Just put it on!"

"No! He's still in it and there is no way in the Three Worlds that I am going to caught dead in those garments!"

They both looked toward Santa. And that was when they realized that he was gone. Well, the body was gone, leaving the clothes untouched. Botan blinked, her pink eyes sparking.

"He's... he's gone..."

Hiei scrunched up his nose in disgust.

"And nude."

Botan laughed and pushed him playfully.

"Ew!" The humorous moment had gone and Botan had her arms across her chest as she hugged herself, rocking on her heels as she tried to get warm. "What do we do now?"

Hiei paced back and forth.

"Let me think, onna."

The Koorime muttered to himself, and Botan shifted uneasily, and that was when she looked up. A ladder had appeared, so, making sure that Hiei wasn't looking, she climbed it.

VI

_Baka onna... old man... the North Pole. What the hell does this mean? _He bit his knuckle. _The onna was the only one who knew who he was... maybe he's a relative or something. _Hiei frowned. _No... that can't be right. She's a beauty and that man was old and fat. _A long pause. _WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? THE ONNA IS NOT BEAUTIFUL! _The Koorime paused in his little inner battle. _Speaking of the onna... _

"Baka onna! Where are you?" Hiei felt his instinct to protect the innocent flow through his blood. He unsheathed his katana."Onna!"

Hiei was about to search the area when he heard a cheery voice.

"Up here, Hiei!" The Koorime looked up to see the ferry girl waving at him, grinning like everything was okay. Well, everything was okay, except for one thing. She was sitting in the sleigh. "Come on up, and bring the suit!"

Hiei gritted his teeth as he took the garments into his hands and jumped up to the roof.

"Onna! What do you think you are doing?" She was silent as Hiei climbed onto the sleigh and was his face was inches away from hers. "Have you lost you MIND? This isn't yours! Let's go!"

The Koorime was about to grab her wrist when the reindeer lurched forward, making the ferry onna and Hiei fall backwards into another seat. Hiei was dizzy for a moment, not able to tell just where he was. Until he felt a pressure on his chest. Two small hands.

"Hiei get off!"

The onna was a bit pink as she tried to shove him off, which wasn't working out since she was one: weak, and two: he had a lot of muscle mass. He smirked at this.

"Baka onna."

Hiei rolled off of her and sat up, the wind hitting his face, making him squint his eyes. The animals were flying... through the air like they had never heard of physics. Botan sat up, bit Hiei feared that she would fall off, and he put a hand on her shoulder, steadying her. She looked at him with an puzzled expression on her face, but Hiei ignored it.

And then, just like that, they stopped with a lurch forward, Botan hitting her head on the wood.

"Ow..."

The two sat there, and the fire demon saw that they were at a house. Another house. Hiei frowned and folded his arms across his chest.

"What now, onna?"

The two sat in silence for a while. That was when Botan looked and saw a chimney.

"Put on the suit!" Hiei glared at her. Botan blinked innocently as her eyes shimmered, water gathering in the corners of those pink orbs. "Please..."

The Koorime gritted his teeth, trying to resist those tears of hers. _Damn onna... _

"Baka ferry onna... you better be grateful for this." Hiei pulled on the pants, and marveled at how huge this "Santa" man must have been. _You could fit an elephant in here! _The ferry girl tied the sash as he pulled on the coat, hating the old man more and more. "Stupid Santa... stupid Christmas..."

VII

A/N: Please... please review! This is going to be a Christmas HB thing, so tell me if you want more! Please! And, by the way, yes, this is gonna be like "The Santa Claus" starring Tim Allen. Now, I know that Hiei in Santa's suit is just as alluring as ever, so um... REVIEW! I'll give you une bonbon!


	2. The Big, er, Short Man

Cynical Santa : The Big, er, Short Man

A/N: Woot! I'm back! Thanks for the reviews! Please read and review! I really want to know what you think! Happy holidays! R&R.

I

Hiei glared as Botan put his gloves and hat on. _Stupid clothes... stupid Christmas... STUPID ONNA! _The Koorime felt really self conscious as the onna looked him over in his new garb. They both looked around and the ferry onna pulled out a big bag from the back.

"Here, I think this has the toys in it."

Hiei grabbed the back with menace.

"Toys? For who? Just who is Santa?" Botan rolled her eyes, her pink lips jutting out a bit and her cheeks flushed with anger. That was when something unexpected happened. Hiei was lifted into the air. "Onna! Are you doing this?"

The ferry girl grabbed one of his legs.

"No!" She looked up and saw that the bag was lifting him into the air. "Hiei, are you coming down?"

The Koorime squirmed.

"No! Try harder!"

That was when a wind came and swept her back, making her let go of the fire demon. She fell into the snow, and Hiei saw that she wasn't moving.

"Onna!" Nothing. "Botan!"

She twitched. She looked up right as Hiei was sucked into the chimney. Hiei would never forget how her pink eyes were wide with wonder and fear. He had seen that look in her eyes before...

Then... he was gone.

Hiei blinked. He was in a house. He shivered. _That felt weird! _He shook himself again, and then felt that the bag was at his feet, and it had grown heavier. Grunting, the Koorime began to work.

He saw a tree, and used his knowledge that Kurama gave him a crash course in, and started unloading the stash under the tree. He was almost done, a toy monkey in hand when a small voice whispered in the still air.

"Santa...? You changed... again?"

Hiei whirled around, his katana out and ready, making the little girl on the couch flinch and pull up her blankets, but most of them still fell off. Hiei saw the look of fright in her eyes, and he put his sword away. His lips were dry and he licked them.

"I'm not Santa. The name's Hiei."

The little girl frowned.

"Aren't you going to drink the milk?" Hiei watched the small child get up and show him to a plate of cookies with a mug of milk. Hiei raised his eyebrow. Was it poisoned? Was it a trap? "Here."

She handed him the glass, and Hiei paused before taking a sip of the liquid before putting it back down. He took two cookies and put them in his pocket. The onna was probably hungry.

"Go to sleep." She gave him a look and she sat back on the couch. The demon pulled the blankets up and over her and gave her the toy. He looked at one of the blankets. "Could I have one of those?" He pointed to the large piece of fabric. The little girl nodded. He touched her forehead. "Thanks."

He used his demon heat to lull her into a relaxed state. The Koorime frowned and then walked under the chimney, taking a bite out of the cookie as he rose into the air.

II

Botan shivered in the sleigh. She really wish she had a blanket. She heard Hiei mutter something and she turned around just in time to see him being lowered onto the back of the sleigh. She smiled and looked at him.

"How did it go?"

The Koorime shrugged, his expression uncaring and cold. As usual.

"Hn."

He took something out of his pocket. He gave her a cookie. He glared at her as she smiled a bit, and his death stare intensified as he handed her a blanket. Botan draped it over her before her curiosity awakened.

"Hiei! Did you steal this?"

The demon crossed his arms as they both sat down in the front seat.

"No, baka onna." They both glared at each other, but that was when one of the reindeer bleated with impatience. Hiei frowned. "How do you start this thing?"

He grabbed the reins and gave them a snap. The two companions lurched back in their seats as they flew forward. To Botan's surprise, the ride was rather short. That was when she looked over her shoulder. There was the house that they just stopped at.

She heard Hiei jump off of the sleigh, also noticing the house behind them. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his two fingers.

"This could be a real long night..."

Botan smiled a bit.

The night flew by, rather fast in Botan's opinion. It was starting to get light out when she was starting to fade in and out of sleep. Her head fell on Hiei's shoulder once, and the only reason he woke her up was because he tensed so suddenly.

Hiei let out a long breath when she shook herself awake.

"I think it's over..."

He smirked at her as the reindeer flew through the sky. The ferry girl yawned and brought the blanket closer around her.

"Lets go home."

The demon nodded as the animals took flight. The ferry girl giggled as the wind tickled her, her voice floating down in the air like bells.

III

When Botan had said home, Hiei had expected her house. If the animals wanted to surprise them, maybe the temple even. But... he never expected where they brought them.

The Koorime found himself in a winter wonderland. The snow was suspended in the air as it spun slowly to the ground. The reindeer stopped, and somehow managed to get loose, running away. Botan stood, her nightgown flowing around her.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

The two beings sat in the sleigh. Hiei frowned.

"What do we do now, onna?"

Botan was about to speak when a little person came out. Botan sat up straight, whispering into Hiei's ear.

"Hiei... I think he's shorter than you!"

The demon growled.

"Onna..."

That was when they started to sink into the ground. The little boy giggled before running away. Botan blinked, but then moved towards Hiei. She had no idea what was happening. That was when a rush of warm air blew the hair back from their faces and they heard voices.

That was when they could see it. A bright and wonderful workshop. Children were everywhere. Hiei frowned. No one was an adult... _That's odd. _Botan looked over the side and waved, and some of the smaller girls waved back to her, crying out to her.

The sleigh landed, and Hiei had a hard time keeping his focus. The air smelled like cinnamon and chocolate. He saw many lights, but it wasn't too bright or too dim. It was perfect. He heard bells and laughter. Botan was the first to jump out of the sleigh, her face bright with joy.

Hiei climbed out after her, not wanting her to get lost in the odd place they were in now. The demon stalked after her, and that was when an older elf came to them. By older, he looked like he was a teenager, an older teenager.

"Hey, what's your name?"

The elf smiled charmingly at the ferry girl as he took her hand, kissing it chastely. Hiei growled.

"My name is Botan, and yours?"

The elf scratched his head, his black curls bouncing.

"The name's Bernard."

Botan was about to say something when Hiei came in, his demeanor cross and dark.

"Just what is going on here? Who are you, and who is Santa?"

Bernard looked at the Koorime, and he narrowed his dark eyes. That was when he took a step back, his face pale.

"You're not human!" The entire underground workshop fell silent and all eyes were on them. The elf licked his lips. "You're not an elf, just what the heck are you?"

Botan had to hold Hiei back from unleashing his frustration out on the elf. That was when Hiei growled with menace.

"I am a demon, baka. I am the Forbidden Child."

Bernard looked Botan over again.

"Then who is she? Your girlfriend?"

The two looked at each other, Botan smiling nervously while Hiei snarled. Botan shook her head.

"No, nothing like that. I'm a ferry girl from spirit world. My spirit is human."

The elf shook as he sat down. The two companions looked at each other and didn't move. Hiei used telepathy so he could talk to the onna in private.

_Onna, have you heard of an elf before?_

Botan gave him a concerned look.

_They were supposed to be fictional creatures. _She licked her lips. _But, he hasn't heard of demons, so he probably doesn't even know that there are Three Worlds! _

Hiei crossed his arms, growling with annoyance.

_Perfect. This is just perfect. _

"Wait, how could a demon... be... are you from Hell?"

Hiei was torn from his secret conversation to look at Bernard.

"I am from Makai. Demon World."

Bernard frowned, and then, he lost his patience and politeness.

"Okay, whatever, we roll with it!" He saw that the other elves had stopped working. "Get back to work!" He looked at Hiei with wild eyes. "Follow Judy if you want to get out of those clothes."

Hiei was about to pounce on him, but once he heard that he would be able to get changed, he stopped. He looked at Botan, who was shivering in her nightgown. That was when a little girl pulled on Botan's white dress.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Claus?"

Botan turned pink as she smiled at the child.

"I'm sorry, I'm not married to Hiei."

Hiei felt his blood red eyes widen. _Damn right she's not! _The little girl looked at the fire demon, her lips curving upwards.

"Uh-huh. Sure. Follow me."

Hiei smirked at the onna, who was struggling to not laugh or blush.

IV

Botan and Hiei were shown to a glorious room filled with toys and big cushy pillows. Botan and Hiei were on opposite sides of the room, screens protecting them from each others eyes.

"Hiei! Look!" Hiei saw the ferry girl spin out from behind the screen, she was wearing a short white nightie, but a lovely coverup that was like a robe. It was white and from the way it was silent as she moved, Hiei guessed it was satin or fine silk.

The Koorime was pulling up his pants, and he stepped out, rather put out that he didn't have the same love for his new clothes as the onna did.

Botan took one look at him and smiled as she bit down a laugh.

Hiei got red pajamas, and they were satin. They were the same color of his eyes, but still... he didn't like them. On the chest was an inscription. SC. Judy stepped in, looking over the demon.

"Good evening, Santa. I take it that you like your pajamas?"

Hiei frowned.

"Hn. I'm not Santa."

Bernard walked in.

"Yes you are." Hiei was about to open his mouth, but Bernard interrupted him. "You read the card. You agreed to The Santa Clause." Bernard looked him over. "You're the big, er, little guy now."

Hiei snarled and Botan put a delicate hand on his shoulder.

"What do you want him to do? He's a demon, not a human."

Bernard shrugged.

"Look, it doesn't matter to me. I don't deliver the presents, it's not my job. He picked up the card, he put on the suit, and now he is Santa!" Bernard gave Judy a dry look. "Is it just me or do I feel like it was just yesterday that we did this?"

There was a silence, and Judy and Bernard said to get some rest, and that Hiei was expected to be back at Thanksgiving. Botan told Hiei that she would tell him when that was. They spotted a large bed.

Botan jumped on it, and she sank into it, the soft cushions embracing her. She let out a moan of delight as she looked back at Hiei, who stared at her like she was an alien from another planet.

"Come on, Hiei! It's so cool!"

Hiei stepped up to the foot of it, looking into the onna's pink eyes.

"Are you crazy? Don't sleep in there!" He lowered his voice. "We have no idea what those guys will do to us in a helpless state!"

He grabbed Botan's arm, but she groaned in protest, wanting to say in the soft bed.

"Stop it! I want to sleep!"

Tuning into some unknown strength, the ferry girl pulled the demon onto the bed. She blinked, looking astonished that she was able to get Hiei Jaganshi onto a bed. By pulling him. But that wasn't the problem.

All of a sudden, the covers were very warm. Very enticing. Botan felt her eyelids droop and the pillows mold to fit her shape. She just had enough time to look over at Hiei, who tried to fight it. He gritted his teeth, his fangs showing. But, even he fell into the soft sheets. The last thing that Botan remembered was his hand reaching out to her, landing on her side, squeezing it.

"Baka... onna..."

V

Bernard came back into the room about an hour later. Judy followed him, smiling as she saw the two new members of workshop. Botan was asleep, Hiei's one arm touching her. Bernard rolled his eyes.

"Don't you hate it when a couple goes through denial?"

Judy smiled and tucked Botan in, Bernard taking care of Hiei, who growled when his hands got too close to Botan.

"It's cute." Judy brushed some hair out of Botan's eyes. "Want to speed things up a bit for our friends?"

Bernard bit his lower lip.

"These guys are our friends already?"

Judy smiled and nodded.

"The one that goes by the name of Botan, she's really nice. Such a sweet one." Judy pointed to the fire demon. "And this demon Santa of ours, well, he's got a good heart."

Bernard helped Judy move the two of them.

"Whatever. How does this look?"

Judy took a step back.

"Perfect. Let's send them home."

Bernard winked.

"That's what I'm talking about!"

VI

Hiei snuggled into comfy bed sheets. He felt so warm. He licked his lips as he moved closer to whatever was beside him. At the moment, the Koorime was not in cull consciousness. He woke up very slowly. The first thing he saw was the pale light hitting the white pillows.

_What a dream. Stupid champagne. _The Koorime stretched his legs, and that was when he felt something against his body. His eyes focused on the blue in front of him. And how the figure was wearing white pajamas, and how her creamy legs were against his own.

Hiei almost bolted upwards. He almost blew his cover. He moved slowly, and then he realized that her one arm was latched onto his chest, her small hand fisting to clutch onto him.

Hiei tried to move her hand, his face not showing his anxiety. That was when she grunted in her sleep, and she woke up, her pink eyes opening. Hiei heard the one phrase that made his eyes close and his teeth gnash.

"Hiei? What are you... did we... no..."

Her face was positively scarlet as she looked at her hands. And that was when she saw that she was wearing pajamas. Specifically, Judy's handmade pajamas.

"No, onna, we did not –"

"Hiei! We went to the north pole! Look!" Botan pointed to his chest, and her finger was over the SC. Hiei felt his eyes widen. Then it really did happen. "You're really Santa Claus!"

The fire demon bristled and glared at her, grasping her wrist.

"I am not that man! You understand, baka onna?" Hiei saw the look of shock flash across her face. "Whatever you think happened, didn't. Don't even mention it again!"

His voice was hard and cold like ice itself. That was when she started to cry.

"S-sorry, Hiei..."

Hiei got up and touched his forehead. He seemed alright.

"Goodbye, onna." He turned to her, and she sniffed wiping her eyes as she looked at him reproachfully. "Remember," the demon brought a finger to his lips, "not a word."

VII

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Keep on reading and reviewing! Please! I really want to know what you think! I don't care if they are flames! And, if anyone was OOC, please tell me! I hate it when that happens, and so I'll will try my best so that it doesn't happen, but tell me! Raise your cups full of hot chocolate!

Happy holidays!

-mia


	3. Problems with Authority

Cynical Santa : Problems with Authority

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, things have been a bit crazy lately. R&R!

I

Life went on. Botan was angry and hurt for a few days, but she shrugged it off eventually. Hiei was just Hiei. He didn't care about anyone except Yukina. As she went to work everyday, she wondered if what happened really did happen. _Did we really go to the North Pole? _

It sounded really stupid when she asked herself that. She flew through the skies of Rekai, ferrying some soul back. She walked into Koenma's office, and she walked into his office, hoping to talk to him.

"Hey, Koenma!" She smiled cheerily and went to hand some papers to him when the worst thing happened. Her boss was signing important documents, and the ferry girl's pink sleeve knocked over the ink bottle. She drew in a breath and she screamed. "NO!"

Her hand shot out and Koenma looked up. They both gazed at the disaster that was bound to happen. Gravity doesn't stop working. For anyone. Ever.

But it did.

Botan opened her mouth as the ink suspended in the air. Koenma was breathing faster and faster as the black liquid disappeared into sparkling dust. There was a silence. A very long silence. The two friends didn't know what to do. What to say. There was nothing that could even come close to putting a handle on the moment. That was when Koenma fell out of his chair.

"Sir!" Botan jumped over the desk to see her boss on the floor, his mouth agape. "Are you okay?"

Koenma blinked.

"Botan...?"

The ferry girl was helping him back into his chair.

"Yes, sir?"

"Did my ink just disappear into dust?"

Botan hesitated.

"It did, sir."

Another long silence. Koenma pinched his cheeks to help them regain their color.

"Did you... do that?"

Botan bit her lip.

"Um... I don't... know." Botan cleared her throat. "Actually, I came here to ask you something." Koenma didn't move. "Sir?"

Koenma blinked and looked up at the ferry girl. They exchanged a glance. _Let's just put this behind us. Save it for later. _He folded his hands on his lap.

"Yes? Oh, what was your question?"

Botan flushed a bit, and she twisted a blue curl around her finger.

"Well, I was wondering about... Santa Claus. Where did he originate from?"

Koenma blinked.

"Santa?" Botan nodded, wanting to shrink away into her kimono. "Well, he's a myth that the nigen's made up themselves." He smiled a bit. "You knew that, right?"

Botan nodded.

"Right."

II

Hiei went to Kurama's on Christmas morning. He was tired once he got there. It seemed that even an enchanted sleep would not quiet the Koorime's mind. _Just stop thinking about it! IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!_

It gave Hiei a headache. Kurama's questions and reaction to his appearance did not help him. At all. When Kurama opened his window, his eyes were wide and his expression was hard to explain. For one, he looked completely astonished with a hint of disgust. Then there was a protective anger that was sprinkled about his features.

"Where **_were _**you?" Hiei didn't answer but just sat on his bed, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. "You were gone all night! **_All night!_**" No response. "Do you have any idea what kind of **_idea _**that gives people?"

Hiei's eyes finally did flash open. He had a notion at what the fox was hinting at.

"What are you implying? That I... with the **_onna_**?" His teeth were gnashing together. "Never fox." He glared into the kitsune's emerald eyes. "Ever."

Kurama folded his arms, and he did look a tad bit relieved.

"Then... where were you the whole night?"

Hiei paused. He was with the onna. All night. They even woke up sleeping next to each other! And even Hiei knew that Kurama would not want to hear that. Hm. This was a problem.

"I was... preoccupied." He pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering darkly. "Fucking Bernard and Judy."

Kurama tilted his head to the side.

"Whose Bernard?"

Hiei bit his lip.

"A baka." He looked at the kitsune, and Kurama became very unnerved. In the eyes of his friend, the fox saw unease. A great discontent and even some worry. "Kurama, have you heard of a nigen called Santa Claus?"

Kurama would have laughed. But something about this question was different. Hiei was tense.

"I have. He's a myth, not real."

Hiei rolled his eyes.

"Just like elves, right?"

Now that was just plain old strange. Kurama folded his arms against his chest.

"Hiei, why are we talking about Santa and elves?" He paused. "What happened to you last night?"

The Koorime heard the anxiety growing in his friend's voice. He turned away from his friend and opened the window.

"It's nothing." He was halfway out the window. "Nothing happened."

III

But it wasn't nothing. The two acquaintances knew that, but a great weight made them stop from confronting each other. Botan wasn't mad at Hiei, but she was afraid that he would snap at her again. And she hated making people mad.

Hiei, on the other hand, did not want to think about the North Pole again. He wanted to put all that behind him. Bernard could just go die, and Judy can just stay out of his way. But things were unnerving them. Big things.

Hiei had little kids following him. And even if he gave him the most intimidating glare that he could muster, they would not stop. He hated them. Little girls would giggle if they saw him on the street. Some would even try and talk to him.

That wasn't the only problem.

Hiei... was... having these very odd urges. He wanted to eat something sweet. Not just anything. A certain something. And he couldn't figure out what. It was driving him insane.

Botan on the other hand was facing issues of her own. She kept on having little miracles happen around her. People would trip, but she would stop them. She would make her coworkers feel better just by being around them.

And she couldn't stop baking cookies. It didn't matter what kind. She couldn't stop. And she didn't want to eat them. She had cookies taking up her house, and she had to get rid of them. So, she put them in the staff boardroom before anyone ever went in.

But she needed them to go away. She needed to stop. She couldn't keep doing this.

It was late one night, and Botan was about to put another sheet of chocolate chunk in the oven when she heard a voice. In her head. It was dark, humorless, and it made her sigh with relief when she heard Hiei.

**Onna. **

Botan smiled.

**Yes, Hiei?**

There was a pause on the other... side. Then Botan felt a great energy coming. In an instant, Hiei was in front of her. She smiled. He looked normal. He was still well toned and unemotional. He was still short.

"Um, can I help you with something?"

Hiei didn't answer her. Botan watched him sniff the air, and flit away from sight. She looked behind her to see him looking at a cookie. He sniffed it, licked it, and then ate it. He grabbed another one, and for a moment, it looked like Hiei was under a spell. His eyes were glazed over, and it was like he didn't even know that the ferry girl was there.

But it was only for a moment. He looked at her, and seemed a bit shocked at his little glitch.

"Onna, what are these things?"

He held up the cookie, and he was so serious about it that Botan almost giggled.

"It's a cookie, Hiei."

The fire demon looked at it, and it turned to ashes. The ferry girl squeaked and trembled at his fiery gaze.

"I... I need them." He looked at the plate of them and burned them all. He gritted his teeth as he smelled more. "Onna... what's happening to me?"

Botan saw him. He was trying to hard not to find them, but how could a demon's nose miss that enticing smell? He opened pantries and burned everything he found. Botan couldn't bring herself to stop him or even scold him. Even though his face was as smooth as stone, she knew that he was desperate. Floundering to destroy his want. Desire.

"Do you think that... maybe... it's because of... the Santa Clause?"

Ashes fell out of the drawers and spilled onto the tile. Botan covered her lips with a few fingers, a nervous reflex. He turned to her, his eyes wide and wild. Dangerous.

"**_NO!_**" He blinked. Botan flinched from his loud voice. He didn't apologize. He didn't say that he got carried away. But, the ferry girl saw it in his eyes. Just for a flash, he looked like he was shocked and a bit... frightened. "It's not that... onna."

Botan felt a few tears slip out of her eyes.

"It's not? Don't tell me that!" She saw the Koorime tense, like he didn't like her crying. "Can you tell me why I can't stop making these cookies? I can't sleep!" She took a deep breath. "I stop things from happening! Bad, idiotic, and little events." She lowered her voice to a whisper. A whisper of a woman who was close to insanity. "Can you... tell me...?"

There was a long silence. Hiei found a cookie and took a bite, realized what he had done, and then burned it. Botan scraped some dough into the garbage. Now that Hiei was here... it was easier to stop baking.

"I don't know what's going on."

He stepped forward, and Botan smiled weakly, wiping her eyes. She reached out and touched his shoulder. To her surprise, he didn't grab her wrist.

"It's okay." She sighed. "I mean, it's not like it's the end of the world."

Hiei frowned and shrugged her arm off of him.

"Now. Just ours."

IV

Koenma felt very odd. Something was nagging him. Things had started to change recently. George was very happy. He said that the air tasted good, whatever that meant. Cookies were showing up everywhere. The Prince would hum tunes to himself. Not just any old melody. Christmas songs.

Something had taken a hold of Rekai. People were always smiling. It was like some drug had been released into the air. _What could it possibly be? _

"Hi, Ayame! How are things?"

Koenma heard Botan's voice ring through his thoughts. He saw Ayame skip up to her.

"Everything is wonderful, Botan!" Botan was hugged tightly. "Just great!"

Koenma raised an eye brow as people ran to Botan, smiling. Laughing. Hugging.

_I think I've found the drug..._

V

Hiei sat in his tree, cold sweat pouring off of him. His vision was getting very blurry. His stomach growled menacingly. It didn't make sense to the demon. He ate many things. Rabbit. Mushrooms. Anything he could get his hands on. But he wasn't able to feel the satisfaction of it in his stomach. His eye lids drooped lower. _This is going to be the end of me... _

"Hey! Hey wake up!"

Hiei felt a leg kick him. He opened his eyes to see the annoying face of Bernard, the Arch elf.

"Go away..."

The elf stepped in between his legs. The sparkle of mockery was gone from his eyes, and they shone with concern. Hiei didn't want his sympathy. He didn't want anything. Except... cookies.

"Come on, man. You're killing yourself." Hiei tried to push Bernard away, but his arms felt like they were weighed down by sand. "You've got to eat."

Hiei didn't move as the elf touched his arm, and he vanished into sparkling dust. When he opened his eyes again, he was a bit surprised to find that he wasn't at the North Pole. In fact, the fire demon knew where he was.

The onna's house.

Botan started a bit, and she looked a bit concerned when she saw Hiei in his near comatose state. She walked up briskly to Bernard.

"What happened?"

The elf looked at Hiei and then at Botan.

"When was the last time that he's had a cookie?"

Botan raised her eyebrows, but then saw Hiei's pale and clammy skin. This wasn't a joke.

"If he hasn't had one since he last came over... it's been about three months now."

Bernard gasped for air.

"THREE MONTHS?" The elf ran through the kitchen and grabbed a plate of cookies, oatmeal. He was back at Hiei's side and then dragged Botan to his side. He gave her a cookie. "Feed him."

The ferry girl flushed lightly.

"What? I can't do that!"

Hiei let out a shuddering breath. He obviously could smell the delicious treat. Bernard put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"You are the only one who can, ma'am."

Botan looked at Hiei, and she fought down tears.

"Open your mouth."

Hiei looked into her eyes. He couldn't stop her from touching the side of his face with her small hands. His eyes begged with her.

"Onna... please... don't..."

Botan closed her eyes and two tears spilled down her face.

"_I'm sorry._"

And with that, the top ferry girl in Rekai broke a piece of the cookie off and put it into his mouth. His eyes closed and he leaned forward, his forehead resting on her chest. Bernard sighed with relief.

"Just make sure that he keeps on eating."

The ferry girl nodded and sniffed as she gently moved Hiei off of her. He passed out. Bernard smiled a bit, but he couldn't bring himself to actually put joy into it.

"See you around."

VI

Koenma was wide eyed and his heart was pounding rapidly. He had no words to say. His mind was still reeling. It was worse than when his ink disappeared.

He was hovering outside of Botan's house. And he saw two men inside. Hiei was one, and he looked like crap. Koenma had seen men look like him before. It was that look when you took heroin away from an addict.

And then there was another man. An older teenager. Koenma had never seen him before. His ears were pointed, and if Koenma knew for a fact that there were no such thing as elves, he would have said that the boy was the mythical creature. The Prince almost screamed when he disappeared into the same dust that the ink did.

_Something is going on here... and I'm going to find out what!_

VII

A/N: Hey guys! Wassup? Was anyone OOC? I hope not. I hate that. Okay, um, if you are impatient with waiting, read Three Families, my newest fic! I'm trying to get more readers and reviews, and I would love it if you could help me out! Thanks!

-mia


	4. Woke up Drunk

Cynical Santa : Woke up Drunk

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I guess you really do want me to continue! Well, okay, if you thought that the last chapter was depressing, or funny... well... I was intending for a blend of both. Besides... at least we have cake! Hahaha. Okay, Read and Review if you want more! And I know you do!

I

_Ugh... _A twitch. A sniffle. A HEADACHE! Hiei moaned and rolled over under the warm covers. _Wait a minute... WARM COVERS? _The Koorime jolted awake and tried to sit up, but his head was pounding. All he could do was turn over onto his stomach. He inhaled, his face pressed in a soft and cushy pillow.

_This smells like... the onna. _Hiei pushed himself up so he was leaning against the pillows. His head was throbbing and he bit his lips. _What... happened last night...? The only thing I remember is... eating a cookie and passing out..._

A moan emerged into the air. And Hiei was not the one who produced it. The demon looked at the floor.

The onna was sleeping with her back against the wall, her neck slipping to the side. Hiei saw her shift a bit. _Why is the baka onna sleeping on the floor? _Hiei looked around saw that he was taking up her bed. _Duh. _

She blinked and rubbed her eyes, groaning as she sat up. She licked her dry lips and mewed a bit as she stretched. It took her a while to realize she was being watched.

"Oh! Hiei!" She saw him wince at her voice. She covered her mouth and whispered. "Sorry." She smiled at him wearily. "Are you feeling better?"

The fire demon closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No."

"Oh..." She stood and rubbed her shoulders, hissing as she touched some painful spots. "I'll make you some breakfast." She was gone before Hiei could say anything, even object. She came back a little while later, smiling sheepishly. "Here, drink this."

Hiei took a glass of white fluid and peered at it.

"What is it?"

Botan smiled a bit faintly. Too faintly. Hiei didn't like it.

"It's milk. Don't worry, just drink it."

He sipped it, his red eyes widened a bit and he sipped it more.

"Hn."

Botan nodded a bit halfheartedly. She leaned against the wall. Hiei sat it. He saw her pink eyes lose that light. He saw her legs wobble, and her knees buckle. But he couldn't catch her. She looked at him, her blue hair frizzy and her eyes frazzled.

"I'm... dizzy..."

And she fainted. The demon tried to get up, but his legs failed him. He struggled. He failed, and he seethed as all he could do was watch Botan's breaths get shallower and shallower. So, Hiei did the one thing that he thought he would never do.

Closing his eyes, the Koorime searched for the one man that would know what had happened to the onna. The one man that Hiei hated, but knew he had to place his trust in. Green, red, and white flashed under his eyelids. And he finally came to the mind he was searching for.

_Bernard! Get over here!_

II

Koenma tapped his pencil on his desk.

_**Tap. Tap. Tap. **_

Botan hadn't come in. She was an hour late. And that wasn't a good thing.

_**Tap. Tap. Tap.**_

The Prince frowned. Who was in her apartment? Why was she making people happy all the time? And most of all, why did Hiei look like some sort of addict about to die?

_**Tap. Tap. Tap. **_

Koenma bit his lower lip. Hard. Maybe he should go over. Yes. Yes that was the best decision. Botan might be hurt. She may need his assistance.

_**Snap!**_

The pencil was broken.

III

"What in Kringle's name did you DO?"

Bernard was shaking Hiei, who was glaring at him, almost setting the elf's long black curls on fire.

"I didn't do anything! She fainted!" The Koorime shoved Bernard off of him. "Fix her! NOW!"

The elf looked at the blue haired girl. His eyes were misty, and for once, Hiei was scared. _Not the onna! She doesn't deserve this! _His fists tightened around her white blankets. _None of this... none of this... should be happening to her of ALL people! _

"Don't get yourself too worked up, buddy." Hiei snapped back to reality. He saw the elf had Botan in his arms, and he was feeling her face. He frowned a bit, his eyes darkening. "She's cold. But she'll be ok." He put his forehead against hers, and Hiei almost thought that the boy was going to kiss the onna. Something stabbed him with that thought. He pushed the pain aside. "She didn't get any sleep. If she was asleep like you said, it was only for a minute."

_She stayed awake? _Hiei gazed with his blood red eyes at the ferry girl. _Why?_

"She's... not... dying?"

Bernard laughed, but the Koorime thought he heard a broken nerve behind it.

"No! Oh Heavens no!" He shifted so that Botan was leaning on the elf's chest. "She's just really tired."

But the elf would not meet his eyes. In a flash, Hiei pulled out his katana and gracefully dodged Botan and had the blade to Bernard's throat. The fire demon faltered, seeing as he was on his stomach, still losing strength.

"Tell me, and don't lie. I'll know."

Bernard looked Hiei in the eyes, and the demon saw many things behind those dark eyes. He saw magic. He saw joy. He saw... himself reflected back at him.

"She's just exhausted from looking after you all night." Another stab of... something. "Um, she's... she too is under the Santa Clause."

The demon snarled and pressed the blade into his throat, a small spot of blood appearing.

"**_What?_**" Hiei whispered dangerously low. "_It was only supposed to be me!_"

Bernard got that distant look in his eyes again.

"Tell you what," Bernard lifted Botan up, pushing Hiei's katana aside, "take her." Hiei didn't have a chance to say anything before he was being moved aside and the covers being pulled down. "Just made sure she doesn't roll off the bed and that she stays warm, okay?"

"No."

Bernard sent Hiei an icy glare.

"Do you want her to get better, or not?"

A silence. A small gasp of a breath from Botan.

"Hn."

Bernard took that as a 'yes'.

"Good." He tucked the ferry girl in the bed beside the fire demon. "Listen, Santa, or Hiei..." Hiei sat up a bit. "She will get better. For now. You'll figure out how to help her." Bernard looked like he might cry, and it was so out of character for him that Hiei was positive that he was wrong. "I hope you do."

Tucking Botan in next to Hiei, Bernard disappeared into the kitchen, and the door of the apartment slammed open.

Everyone froze. Koenma was panting at the door, in his teenage form. Hiei found that he couldn't breath. He was in a terrible position, and it didn't look good no matter how you looked at it. Botan was asleep, and was very close to him. Bernard looked at him and pointed at him with his thumb casually, as if he had never seen the Prince of Hell before.

"Who's this joker?"

Koenma blinked a bit angrily and glared at the elf.

"I should be asking you the same question! Who are you? What are you doing? And Hiei... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH BOTAN IN BED?"

Bernard's eyes widened and he stuck a finger in his ear.

"Chill out man! Give a couple some privacy."

Hiei's arms tightened around the ferry girl.

"WE'RE NOT A COUPLE!"

Bernard turned, and he looked like a desperate man. His eyes were wide, and his cheeks were paling.

"Yes you ARE!"

Koenma tugged at his hair.

"WHO ARE YOU?"

The elf ignored the Prince and went to Hiei and Botan's bed. He had a cookie and gave it to Hiei, who chewed in it as he glared at the elf. The room was suddenly hushed as Bernard drew close to Hiei, his face inches away from the great Hiei Jaganshi. He was so close that they might as well have been embracing.

"You take care of Botan, okay?" Hiei didn't answer, and Bernard grabbed his collar, pulling them so their noses collided. "You got it?"

Hiei blinked like he was bored.

"Hn. Sure."

And with that, Bernard dissolved into the golden dust that seemed to hold a magic all its own.

IV

Botan's apartment was dim. Candles were the only light source. Hiei still remained in bed, too weak to move. Botan was still sleeping on beside him. And Koenma still wanted answers to his questions.

"Hiei." Hiei was staring off into space. "Hiei!"

The Koorime hissed.

"_Quiet!"_

Koenma swallowed his loud anger and lowered his voice to an airy whisper.

"_What in Dad's name is going on? Who was that man?_"

Hiei's eyes were starting to drift shut. He knew he was going lose the battle against sleep.

"_Bernard..._"

Koenma almost slapped the fire demon.

"_What is he?_"

Hiei was half asleep now.

"_Arch elf... The Santa Clause..."_

And then Koenma was the only person in the room conscious. The Prince saw the demon slip into a deep and peaceful sleep, his features relaxing from their usual grimace or scowl. Koenma sighed and went to move some blue hair out of Botan's face.

A low and guttural growl made the Prince step back. Hiei's face crinkled in menace, even in his sleep. Koenma took a deep breath. _A bit touchy, are we? _Hiei pulled Botan closer to him, and the ferry girl moaned as she wrapped her arms around him, savoring his demon warmth.

Shaking his head, the Prince of Hell walked out. He'd get answers later. No use staying... seeing as two friends were asleep in each other's arms. _But they aren't friends. Hiei hates Botan. _Koenma looked over his shoulder and remembered how Hiei protectively tightened his grip on the ferry girl in his sleep. _Maybe not so much hatred after all._

V

"Did we make a mistake?" Bells and tinkers of toys were in the background, but it was lost in the conversation. "Did the Clause make a mistake?"

A sigh. Bangs were pushed back from eyes.

"No, Judy. The Clause doesn't make mistakes." Eyes wandered. "It is people who screw it up."

A feminine giggle was heard.

"It will work out." She let out an exasperated breath. "Besides, stubbornness can only help a man, or demon, for so long. He will crack."

"Good. Than I guess we have nothing to worry about."

"I guess so."

VI

_So... warm... mhm..._

Botan couldn't remember passing out. Her head did feel better now. Before, she had the most horrible headache! But it was gone now. _And I'm so warm... _

She snuggled closer to the heat source, which was probably a pillow.

_Wait... this pillow is... is..._

Her pink eyes opened lazily. At first, she couldn't get them to focus. She saw black. And she felt the rough scratch of a bandage on her hip. She took a breath and smelled a dark and yet alluring smell. Like... like fire and rain. Burning wood. _I love that smell... _

And that was when she realized that she was **_cuddling _**with Hiei Jaganshi._ Agh! I have to get away! Before he wakes up! _Botan took a deep breath, gathered her courage, and tried to slip out from the fire demon's arms.

But she wouldn't budge. She moved a bit more forcefully, but then she was stopped again. She felt an odd... vibrating against her chest. And that was when she realized that Hiei was growling. Botan squirmed. It tickled. He was holding onto her tightly. His mouth was by neck, and every time he exhaled, she had to fight the urge to shiver.

_Oh Kami... IF HIEI BREATHES LIKE **THAT **AGAIN... no..._

The ferry girl let out a low moan. Part of it was frustration that she couldn't get loose, along with fear. The other part... well... she didn't want to think about. She knew that if Hiei woke up, she would be yelled at. _But I didn't do this... I was... wasn't in my bed. I let him sleep in it!_

"Hiei!" Botan pushed on his well toned stomach. "Wake up!"

A grunt. A groan. His hands twitched and then began to wander up and down her sides, lazily. The ferry girl, flustered and desperate, pinched Hiei in the side. And she didn't show any mercy. His hands stopped. His breath caught. And his arms loosened.

"Onna..."

Botan sighed and relaxed, allowing herself to lean on the fire demon.

"You were... squeezing me." She giggled softly. "I didn't want to scare you when you woke up."

Hiei moved away from her slowly and smirked darkly and amused and yet... unamused.

"You would never scare me, baka onna."

Botan chuckled.

"Right." A pause, the two seemingly forgot that they had been sleeping in each other's arms not a short while ago. "What happened last night?" The ferry girl held Hiei's crimson eyes. "How am I in my bed? Did you put me here?"

The demon didn't look into her eyes for a long moment. He caved with a sigh and sat up in bed, causing Botan to pull the sheets around her.

"No. Bernard did. You fainted."

The ferry girl looked at the kitchen.

"What about you? Are you okay?"

The demon frowned, and he looked annoyed.

"I'm fine, onna."

A long silence.

"Why did I faint?"

VII

Hiei woke up very fast because of a minor pain at his side. He felt very... very... content. He smelled something... delicious... and his hands were... were...

_SHIT!_

Hiei jolted and moved up and away from the ferry girl as fast as he could. He saw her eyes, and she giggled softly. Too softly.

She told him that he was squeezing her. But Hiei knew what he had been doing. He had been... holding her. Tightly. Maybe. Who knows? She asked him how he got there. If he was okay. And then the one question that the Koorime dreaded.

_Why did I faint?_

The fire demon couldn't bring himself to lie. _I'm no liar._

"It was... the Santa Clause."

Hiei watched without emotion as her face paled and she trembled.

"B-but... I t-thought that it was you that was... becoming... S-santa."

Hiei saw her panic. He saw the images of her job... her friends... her life flashing before those pink eyes of hers. Silence. She didn't cry. She was able to stand, and Hiei found that his strength had returned. He watched the onna take some coffee and drink it.

Her hands were shaking.

The two remained like that. In a painting of tense and harsh emotions. Botan sat at the counter, her hair slipping out of its ponytail and her eyes misty as she stared into her cup, as if she was looking for something.

And then there was the warrior. The infamous thief who was tangled up in something that he could never, ever, handle. He was a fire demon. Not a magical entity. He was a fighter. Not a person to feel pity for another. Not a man who would sympathize and comfort.

And the two were frozen in time. Just like that. It was beautiful. Some would say tragic. Some would say hopeful. It just depended whose eyes you were looking out of.

Botan turned and looked at Hiei.

"What happens when you have to go back?"

Hiei frowned.

"What?"

The ferry girl smiled sadly.

"When Bernard calls you back to the North Pole. What are you going to do?"

Hiei bit his lower lip a bit. He didn't want to think about it.

"Hn. Don't talk so much, baka onna."

And that was when Botan stood, the chair scraping against the tile. She walked up to him, and her pink eyes flickered with fear and uncertainty.

"Hiei... don't kill me for this." Before the Koorime could move, she hugged him. It was gentle. It would have been nothing. But Hiei felt his muscles tense with the contact. His face felt odd... like it was warm. He couldn't move. He was paralyzed. "Please..."

A breathless moment. Until Hiei returned the embrace awkwardly, like a machine would.

"Onna..." Botan bit her lip. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what Hiei was going to say. She was terrified. You don't go and **_hug _**Hiei Jaganshi and live to tell the tale. "I would... never kill you."

She giggled.

"I'm glad."

They were still in each other's arms.

VIII

A/N: Hey! It wasn't as sad as the last one, was it? I hope not. SO-o, the romance is progressing. And you will love what I have in store for these two! Oh, and was Hiei OOC? I might have made him OOC... I hope not. Oh well, REVIEW please! Love ya!

-mia

_p.s. Please, if you want to watch a wonderful film that will make you laugh, cry, and love every single main character, watch Little Miss Sunshine. It's amazing. 5/5 stars from orphan mia!_


	5. Double Agent

Cynical Santa : Double Agent

A/N: Only eight reviews, eh? Well, there's nothing I can do about that. Was there something that you guys didn't like about chapter 4? Well, here goes chapter 5. Please read and review! I promise I will make it worth your while! Oh, and while I'm talking... YOU MUST WATCH PAN'S LABYRINTH! Coughs... sorry, but the movie was amazing. It's rated R, but if your parents have a problem, tell them it's a fairytale for adults and that it's nominated for six academy awards! It's the truth! R&R!

I

Kurama was making some tea. Months had passed since he had last seen his Koorime friend. Many months. The air was starting to get cold, and the school year was starting up again. Closing his eyes, the kitsune sighed as he poured the liquid into a cup. _Nothing like a cold morning with a hot cup of— _

**_Bam! Bam-bam!_**

Kurama's green eyes opened. They narrowed a bit in annoyance. _Who could be knocking at my door at six in the morning?_ Putting his cup down, the fox walked to door, opening it.

"Kurama!"

The kitsune blinked.

"Koenma? How can I... help you?" The Prince looked over his shoulder nervously and pushed his way past Kurama. "Come on in."

Kurama studied how Koenma looked out all the windows, and what really **struck **the fox as odd was when the Prince of Hell made sure that the chimney was okay. Crossing his arms, Koenma finally spoke to the demon fox.

"I need you to do me a favor."

Kurama sat down at the table and sipped his tea.

"What is it?" Koenma wrung his hands. "What happened, Koenma?"

Getting up and walking closer to Kurama, Koenma whispered.

"_A few months ago, Botan was an hour late to work." _Kurama nodded, goading the Prince into continuing his tale. _"Naturally, I was concerned... but it was also... also..." _The Prince stopped. He took a breath. _"Odd things were happening around her. Anyway, I go back to her apartment, and I find her in bed with **Hiei**_!"

It was like ice cold fingers ran down Kurama's spine.

"**_WHAT?_**"

Koenma nodded but waved his hands anxiously, trying to get the fox to be quiet, glancing at all the windows and doors nervously.

"_Sh! Yeah, well, that wasn't the worst part! There was another man in the room with them! He had **no idea **who I was, Kurama! No idea! He had curly black hair and dark eyes..." _Kurama frowned at this new information. By the sound of Koenma's voice, the man was not a human. If so, then this man had to know who Koenma was! _"According to Hiei... but he told me this when he was half asleep... his name was Bernard... something about him being an elf... nonsense, but none the less, something strange is going on here."_

"And Botan, what about her?"

"_I don't know. She was asleep when I got there." _Koenma frowned. _"It's odd. Recently... she's been getting... ill. Sure, she does her work but... I can tell. It's like she's crumbling on the inside." _Kurama almost flinched when Koenma started to cry. _"But as soon as these sick lapses begin, in a few weeks, they'll disappear. She'll be peppy the next day as if she had never been in pain! But... then the whole process will start all over again... only it will get worse... she'll be in more agony..."_

Kurama was protective over Botan. She had always been like a quirky sister to him.

"Koenma, how... how can I help with any of this? Don't get me wrong, I want to... but... no offense, but you don't even know what's going on!"

Koenma sighed, no longer whispering.

"But you could! Hiei trusts you!" The Prince wiped his eyes, blushing and averting his gaze, embarrassed that he had been crying. Chuckling through the tears, he remained on track. "He doesn't trust me... and I can't do this alone." Koenma coughed. "Just ask him. As a friend. I need to know. For him and Botan."

There was a long silence. A sip of tea. A refill. Another sip.

"Okay. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you."

The kitsune didn't say anything. The Prince disappeared. Kurama frowned. _Odd. Very odd. _The fox stretched as he got up and dusted himself off. He opened the door and stepped out into the chilly air. He hissed and rotated his shoulders.

"Alright, now to find Hiei."

II

Kurama walked. He didn't want to hurry. It would make him more antsy then he already was. He could sense an energy that was shockingly similar to Hiei's. It had to be his. But it wasn't the one that Kurama remembered. It wasn't... it wasn't entirely demonic like normal. Something... _else _lingered inside of it.

The kitsune was getting close. Only about one hundred feet away. That was when he heard a voice. A voice that was unfamiliar and that sent chills down his spine.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Kurama halted. He hadn't been aware that he was being followed. He turned to see an older teenager leaning up against a tree, gazing at him. His lips were curled up impishly as he flicked some lint off of his red top. His black curls bounced as he bit down a laugh. _Black curls... and dark eyes...!_

"And how would you know what I'm going to do?"

The man tucked some hair behind his ear, and Kurama's emerald eyes widened when he saw that the man's ear was pointed. _Elf... ears...? _

"I'm not going to allow Hiei to be questioned. Not now. He's busy."

Kurama was unnerved, but he didn't allow himself to show his unease.

"Who are you?"

The teenage boy smirked. He moved suddenly and Kurama tensed. They both saw this. The boy laughed and threw his arm around the fox's shoulders. They began to walk, Kurama slowly being steered away from Hiei's tree.

"My name is Bernard. And your name is..." He narrowed his eyes. "Aha! Kurama Shuiichi!"

Kurama kept his cool.

"How do you know my name?"

Bernard smiled. He looked like cat.

"I know a lot of things." Bernard pulled out some licorice. "Want some?" Kurama shook his head politely. "You remember when you were just a squirt and you got that uh... that... ah, the exotic botany set?"

Kurama's demon blood chilled.

"How... how did you know that?"

Bernard winked.

"Your mum couldn't afford it. And... well **_normally _**I don't help brats who don't believe in Santa... but... your mum wanted you to have it so bad... and..." Bernard chewed on his treat. "Aw, I couldn't just stand there and do nothin' about it."

Kurama bit his lower lip.

"That was from you?"

"Yup."

"And what are you? An elf?"

"Yeah."

"You expect me to believe that?"

Bernard stopped. They had reached the end of the forest.

"Well... no. But that's always my favorite part. Breaking it to people like you." Kurama didn't say anything. "Look. Christmas isn't that far away... I'll make a deal with you."

Kurama smiled, looking doubtful.

"Okay, shoot."

Bernard rubbed his hands together. He had an odd grin on his elfish face.

"Alright... next Christmas..." A frown... but soon back to the elf's confident stare. "Eve... Christmas Eve you will get what you have always wanted. I will grant your Christmas wish."

Kurama crossed his arms.

"Okay." The fox started to walk away, but he hesitated. "You know... almost a year ago... Hiei came to me, asking who Santa Claus was." Bernard scoffed. "And when I pushed him, he wouldn't go on. But he did mutter something about a 'Bernard and Judy'." This time the elf didn't laugh. "I guess I should have pushed him harder."

III

Botan sighed as she worked. Hiei hadn't been over in about a week. Not that it really mattered. Well, in an odd way, it did matter to our favorite ferry girl. The cookies weren't taking up room when he was there. Botan smiled when she remembered the look on the menacing Koorime's face as he was eating a cookie. He seemed like a little kid.

There was something else that the ferry onna didn't really notice, or just refused to admit. _Whenever Hiei was around, she would feel better. _Her aches and pains went away. Her fevers and chills, vanished. Everything seemed better.

But it was minor. Nothing. **_Really._**

At least that is what she told herself.

She passed Koenma, giving him a nod. Everything was normal. Botan smiled. Normal, normal, normal.

IV

Hiei sat in his tree. His eyes were closed. Odd thing was, he expected Kurama. Well... sort of. He sensed the kitsune, but... his friend stopped and turned back. _I wonder what scared the fox off... _

"Ahoy! Santa!"

_Well... that **could **be it. _The Koorime frowned and opened his eyes. Bernard was hovering beside his tree, grinning cheekily.

"Hn. What do you want?"

Bernard floated so his toes touched the branch.

"Happy as always, sir? Well, I know it's a bit late, but here it!"

In a burst of golden flecks, Hiei was tangled in parchment. He growled and took out his katana. With a swipe, the fire demon thought that he had freed himself. But he was false.

"What is this?"

Hiei gritted his teeth and Bernard wasn't fazed.

"Your list, big guy! Indestructible." Hiei shook his head muttering curses under his breath. Bernard bit his lip and crossed his arms. "Fine, fine!" The demon looked up at his tormentor. "Want to learn a trick?" Hiei nodded. "Okay, take your right hand and open it so the palm is up."

Hiei did. And the parchment sprang to life. It spun and rolled itself up in Hiei's hand. The Koorime smirked.

"Hn. Cool trick."

Bernard ran his fingers through his hair casually.

"Yeah, it was nothing." Hiei let a chuckle escape him. Sarcasm was truly a beautiful thing. "Look, since your not the social type... I altered the list..." Hiei gave Bernard a look. "You'll need a pen. And a nice organized place, not here. All you need to do is touch the name and you will see the child and be able to observe it. You can decide if it is naughty or nice."

Bernard winked at Hiei. The demon glared at the elf.

"I don't have to go to **_her_** house just to get this done, baka."

The Arch elf giggled.

"Yeah... I know. But do you **_really _**want people to find out that you are the new Santa Claus?"

Bernard just laughed at Hiei's horrified face and disappeared as quickly as he came.

VII

Botan lay face down on her bed. Her blue hair was down and she was in her pajamas. _Finally... I'm done working. _The ferry girl breathed. In. Out. In. Out. So simple. Her house was dark. All was normal.

Until she felt the cold night air.

"Mmph." She pushed herself up to close that damned window... her pupils adjusting to the lack of light. She saw a dark shadow. It moved. For once, her heart didn't race rapidly out of control. "Hiei! What are you doing here?"

The Koorime tensed.

"Hn. How did you know it was me, onna?"

Botan smiled and shivered as she moved to close the window.

"I just did." She laughed at the growl she got in return. "Come on, Hiei. You're the only one who comes in through my window."

"Hn. Whatever."

Botan turned on the lights, but made sure to keep them dim. Hiei didn't like the lights on bright. Well, he never said it... but she just knew. It's complicated.

They went to her kitchen, where she gave him an assortment of cookies and milk. She listened as he talked about the list and how Bernard changed it. The ferry girl clapped her hands together, biting her tongue.

"Aha! I knew he had to give you a list sometime!" Hiei rolled his eyes. He didn't have the knowledge that Botan had. His eyes met hers, and Botan bit her lips. "What?"

"Can I...?"

Hiei trailed off. He **_hated_**, no, **_loathed_**, asking for help **especially **if it was from Bo-the ferry onna. But he never had to finish his question.

"Oh. Oh yeah sure I understand. You can stay as long as you need to until the list is finished." Hiei was about to speak but Botan waved his interruption away with her hand. "It's fine. I really could use the company."

"Are you sure, onna?"

"Yep."

She smiled. Hiei looked away and ate another cookie. Silence came. It was not to be broken.

VIII

Kurama decided that he would go to Botan. She would be able to answer his questions. Besides, it wasn't only Koenma who wanted answers. Kurama wanted to know. _Needed _to know. A few days had passed and Koenma told Kurama that Botan had the day off today. _Easy. Piece of cake. _

Kurama was about to knock on her door when he heard her voice.

"_What letter did you get to?"_

Kurama froze. He moved and crept under the windows. He heard papers being shifted. He smelled... cookies. The kitsune couldn't help but lick his lips.

"_Hn. A."_

"_STILL?"_

Kurama's eyebrows shot up. Hiei was... at Botan's house?

"_Shut up, onna! It takes a long time!"_

"_It's been three days!"_

Kurama heard the demon mutter something dark, making the ferry girl squeak and fall silent. Kurama sat on the ground. _So... Hiei has been at Botan's house for **three days. **_The birds chirped. _Botan doesn't seem to mind. _The sky was still blue. _They both seem... to be surviving each other. _And the world kept on turning.

It was like the apocalypse... but nothing apocalyptic was happening. _I guess I'll have to tell Koenma all I know._

IX

"You've got to be kidding."

"Nope. It's bizarre. I think we should just sit this one out, Koenma. Things are out of your hands."

Koenma sputtered.

"But I'm the Prince of Hell! How can things be out of my hands?"

Kurama chuckled.

"Some things are just better left unexplained."

The fox stood and left Koenma's office. The Prince pouted and bit his lip.

"Not for me."

George the blue ogre came in.

"Sir, is everything okay?"

Koenma thought of the ink. Of the people who were happier when Botan was around in Rekai. He thought of when Hiei looked like he was going through massive withdrawal. He thought of when Hiei was screaming at the man, Bernard, the Botan and him were not a couple. He thought of how Hiei pulled Botan closer to him in his sleep.

"No... no everything is not okay."

"Sir...?"

Koenma stood. He didn't know where to start. By Dad be damned if he didn't find anything!

X

A/N: I have to end it here. Sorry. But, I can't wait to continue it now! Tell me what you think, if you like how the plot progresses, and if the romance is slower than normal... well... I don't like to rush things. The real world doesn't work like that... usually hahahahha. Okay, Review please! Woot!

-mia


End file.
